Miss Manners: ‘I deserve respect!’ Dad is ready to blow when daughter spends Father’s Day with her husband

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a daughter spend Father’s Day with her husband or her father?

I haven’t seen my daughter on Father’s Day since she got married 18 years ago. Her husband demands to spend Father’s Day at their beach house 300 miles away, and later, they will want to host me there for a visit.

I think this is extremely selfish of him and a slap in the face to me. She has no backbone when it comes to him and his family; she “married up,” or so she thinks. I am not going to condone this any longer, and I know it will put a big rift between us.

I am tired of enabling this behavior. I deserve more respect. Her husband is not her father, I am! Let him go to the beach house and take the kids with him. His ego creates this divide!

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GENTLE READER: You are tempting Miss Manners to guess why you don’t get along with your daughter’s family. But as she prides herself on answering people’s questions when they are within her field of expertise, rather than shuffling everyone off to therapy, she will attempt to defuse this situation.

First, you refer to the couple’s children. It is reasonable for them to want to celebrate Father’s Day as a family, including with Mama. Or did the husband leave your daughter alone on Mother’s Day in favor of his own mother?

Second, the likelihood of your daughter being held hostage by her husband, unable to break away to see her own father, is not great.

Third, they are not ostracizing you. They have invited you to their beach house for a visit.

So the etiquette problem is not their behavior, but your taking insult.

You already know what your options are: to accept the situation, or to continue to rail against your daughter and son-in-law for their perfectly reasonable behavior and thus cause a family rift. Your choice.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,


www.missmanners.com


; to her email,


dearmissmanners@gmail.com


; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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