Dear Abby: Divorced mom questions teen daughter’s decision to live with her dad

Greetings, Abby My three daughters are twenty-five, twenty-one, and soon to be fifteen years old. I’ve always had my youngest living with me. When she was one, her father and I split up. Their relationship was always positive. Our co-parenting relationship has deteriorated over the past few years because he married and relocated to a different state.

Spending time with my youngest has always been a source of complaint. She occasionally sobbed when she got home since she didn’t want to accompany him. She told me abruptly that she wants to live with him and complete her high school education in that state. She is currently a freshman in high school. My heart is broken by this. I do not wish for her to abandon me. She tells me it’s because she will be able to go into a decent college there because the schools are superior.

I’m not sure whether my ex has spoken to her or if that’s what she truly desires. I’m not sure how to respond to this. I feel like my child is leaving me. The elder girls have not yet left me, and all of my girls have lived with me. IN THE NEW JERSEY, NERVOUS

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Greetings, Nervous Are you unable to communicate with your ex? Speaking with him and his spouse about the standard of education in their community and whether they are amenable to full-time custody of your daughter may help you learn more.

You should be discussing this significant transition in your youngest’s life with her on a regular basis. You and your fear of losing your child shouldn’t be the topic of conversation. It should center on her goals for college and how she intends to reach them.

Even though your daughter is young, many parents would be pleased of her for considering her future so early on rather than afraid.

Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.