Asking Eric: Is there a way to reign in 1 friend who monopolizes trip with long-winded stories?

To Eric, I’m writing to ask for assistance on a problem that has existed for 20 years. Every summer, my six pals get together. We are late-sixty-year-old lifelong pals who reside across the nation. We cherish our yearly get-togethers of love, support, humor, and connection.

One individual often and totally dominates group discussions with drawn-out tales about her life and strangers. Two members of the group wish to cease attending our yearly reunions since the situation has grown so burdensome.

We have attempted to subtly end the soliloquies throughout the years by promoting inclusive subjects, but this hasn’t worked very well. Our patience has been waning in recent years. One year, we had a discussion during the week about a box of deep life questions that one of us brought. We made it a rule that no one may speak while the other person was answering. This was helpful, but for friends who have been friends for over 55 years, it felt a little forced.

Due to her high level of sensitivity, the conversation buster is quickly offended. Although we cherish our friendship and care for her, we’ve had enough of her control. The five of us have had extensive conversations about the matter and acknowledge our personal accountability for allowing this to occur throughout the years. What tips would you give us to bring the talk back on track and make our time together more enjoyable?

Friends Who Are Exhausted

To My Friends: I have both good and negative news to share. The bad news is that I don’t think equilibrium can be restored after 20 years. Did it ever exist? The group seems to have developed around your sixth friend’s eloquence, or at least despite it. Is there any chance that your sixth buddy will stop interacting with you altogether? Despite all the evidence to the contrary, she might have concluded that this is what you like.

The good news is that you have a lot of goodwill saved up after 20 years. She is delicate, of course, but I think you can be a bit less gentle without losing your kindness. Before your next get-together, you can speak with her one-on-one and utilize I statements, such as I occasionally find it difficult to speak or to feel like we’re having a conversation. You can inquire if she would be comfortable with you taking a more assertive approach to redirection. Additionally, if everything else fails, the group can confront her directly and request that she alter her course.

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For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at ateric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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