Dear Abby: Partner finds plenty of faults in boyfriend’s daughter who can ‘do no wrong’

Greetings, Abby Gil and I have been together for five years. Gil entered my life once more after my spouse passed away. About ten years ago, we had worked together as colleagues. I was devoted to my late spouse, so even though we always had a spark, we never followed through.

Gil entered my life with weapons blazing after the funeral. It didn’t take long for our friendship to grow into something more. As he gets older and has health problems, I want to be there for him since I have grown to care for him very much. The fact that Gil and Nicole, his youngest daughter, are so close is my issue. At first, I made an effort to plan trips and spend time with her since I wanted a good relationship with her.

Now fast-forward to: Nicole takes advantage of her father, which is why I detest her so much. Even though she wouldn’t have anything if it weren’t for her father’s generosity, she is rude, inconsiderate, and superior to everyone else. I am hesitant to confront her because I will be portrayed as the villain, as she has already attempted to do.

Nicole, who has children of her own, is in her late 20s. I am aware that Gil views me as a threat because I am younger than her. I’m worried about his welfare, even if I know there is some jealousy there. Nicole is never present for doctor’s appointments, etc., and his health isn’t excellent. Since she can’t do him any harm, I want to be kind. We would be very grateful for your input. — CAREING FOR HIM

Greetings, Caring Be kind to Nicole as always. You don’t have much of a choice, in my opinion. If you try to bring out that she can’t do anything wrong in her father’s eyes, you won’t win their approval. You have to choose between pointing out Nicole’s obvious shortcomings and her relationship with her father.

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Abigail Van Buren

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Greetings, Abby I went through a challenging marriage with a lot of domestic violence when I was a young mother. I found it difficult to be the parent my kids needed during that chaos. Now that they are grownups, I feel a sense of separation from them. Knowing that they don’t want anything to do with me hurts me a lot. The weight of the feeling that I destroyed their lives is too much for me to bear.

I really miss them and hope we can get back in touch and mend our connection. I’m at a crossroads and don’t know how to proceed or repair the damaged relationships. I want to put things right and sincerely regret my previous misdeeds, but I’m not sure where to begin. I appreciate your advice. — OVERWHELMED AND LOST IN CANADA

Greetings, Lost No parents I know are flawless. Everybody makes errors. I wish you had explained why you believe you destroyed the lives of your kids. Did you experience mental or physical abuse? Did you leave them behind? Get in touch if that’s what happened. Express regret and, if they agree, offer to accompany them to family counseling. It could be a constructive beginning to rapprochement.

Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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