Asking Eric: Remaining son feels overwhelmed as he navigates helping aging parents prepare their estate

To Eric, Both of my brothers died unexpectedly, and the most recent one was only three years ago. I am the youngest of three sons. I’ve been thrown into the role of executor for my parents, who are both approaching their 90th birthdays. I’ve talked to friends who also have aging parents and done a lot of study on what has to be in place financially and legally.

But I have no idea what my parents have in place, and they don’t want to discuss these problems with me. There are many unknowns because my father, who handled the most of the problems, is currently suffering from dementia. I just provided them a list of things we should consider, such a living will, power of attorney, health care proxy, etc.

I have volunteered to communicate directly with their lawyer and financial planner in order to alleviate my mother’s stress of caring for my father, but although they originally were open to the idea, there hasn’t been any progress on these chores.

I don’t want to put them under undue pressure, but I’m rather worried about this and want to make these crucial choices while they’re still healthy.

Walking Lightly

To Treading, I apologize for the hardships of this time of sadness and for the losses you have endured. It’s rarely simple to plan for later life with parents, but you’ve taken great proactive measures.

Take one modest task at a time to assist you and your parents feel less overwhelmed. I would advise you to begin with a power of attorney. As you may already know, it may be a rather easy process, and you can handle the majority of the paperwork. You’ll be able to speak with their lawyer and financial planner once they’ve given their approval and signed off, which will help you understand what they’ve already done.

Tell them exactly what worries you, what you need answered, and what advice you’re looking for. They can assist you in considering what to do for your parents next and, ideally, relieve some of your burdens.

You don’t have to accomplish everything at once, and you don’t have to handle everything. Nothing is ever flawless, so it won’t be. Don’t pay attention to your inner voice telling you that you’re failing your parents or making things worse for yourself if you forget something on your to-do list.

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To Treading, I apologize for the hardships of this time of sadness and for the losses you have endured. It’s rarely simple to plan for later life with parents, but you’ve taken great proactive measures.

Take one modest task at a time to assist you and your parents feel less overwhelmed. I would advise you to begin with a power of attorney. As you may already know, it may be a rather easy process, and you can handle the majority of the paperwork. You’ll be able to speak with their lawyer and financial planner once they’ve given their approval and signed off, which will help you understand what they’ve already done.

Tell them exactly what worries you, what you need answered, and what advice you’re looking for. They can assist you in considering what to do for your parents next and, ideally, relieve some of your burdens.

You don’t have to accomplish everything at once, and you don’t have to handle everything. Nothing is ever flawless, so it won’t be. Don’t pay attention to your inner voice telling you that you’re failing your parents or making things worse for yourself if you forget something on your to-do list.

For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at ateric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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