Dear Annie: 5 adults are crammed into our 3-bedroom house. Daughter’s slob boyfriend makes it worse

To Annie, please: My spouse, two grown children, and I reside in a three-bedroom home. Our youngest daughter recently brought her boyfriend home with her after giving birth. They moved him in even though we informed her in advance that he couldn’t stay here. The two of them, along with their infant, currently reside in her bedroom.

Despite working, none of them makes enough money to buy a home of their own. We realize that he wants to be near the infant, but the circumstances are not ideal. Being a finicky eater, he favors dining out over our home-cooked meals. One bathroom is shared by five persons. He’s also a slob; pizza boxes and food wrappers are frequently seen on her bedroom floor. I’m particularly concerned about the baby’s security in that setting.

The problem is that we know our daughter will accompany her boyfriend—likely to his parents’ house—if we demand that he move out. His parents are heavily indebted, live beyond their means, and frequently depend on their kids to make ends meet. I worry that our daughter may fall into the same pattern.

How can we support her boyfriend’s better financial practices without going too far? He claims that since they are adults, it is none of our business. However, they will remain here permanently if they don’t make any modifications. Our home simply lacks the space—and stability—for this long-term relationship, even though we adore our daughter and granddaughter. — Parents Who Are Not in Their Room

To Parents Who Are Not in the Room: In addition to managing a busy household, you are attempting to safeguard your granddaughter’s welfare while juggling two adults who aren’t fully accepting responsibility for their own actions.

You can establish limits on how long and under what circumstances your daughter and her boyfriend can live with you, but you can’t make them manage their money any differently. Inform them that the current arrangement is unsustainable and provide them with a fair amount of time to either move out or improve their living conditions.

Regarding promoting improved financial practices, provide useful tools rather than lectures. Assist them in creating a budget or recommend that they consult a financial advisor. Present it as assistance rather than criticism.

Encouraging the situation at home isn’t the solution, but you can’t stop them from moving in with his parents. Have faith in your daughter’s ability to make the greatest choices.

To Annie, please: Throughout the year, my spouse and I throw a number of dinners and parties for a variety of family members and friends.

Some of our customers follow different dietary regimens or have special dietary needs; some of them are gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan, and pescatarian.

when deciding what to serve. I’m worried about making sure we have adequate options to accommodate different dietary requirements. My spouse seems to believe that we should design our menu based on our preferences or those of the majority, and that guests with dietary needs should be aware enough to bring their own food.

When it comes to future menu planning, your opinion will be the last word. — If your guests are unable to eat whatever you serve, what good is a party menu?

Dear What’s a Party Menu: It’s considerate to inquire about any dietary needs, preferences, or allergies when you’re having someone over for dinner. Though it doesn’t entail planning a five-course dinner to satisfy every palate, it does entail being thoughtful enough to add a few items that cater to your visitors’ needs. Finding delicious meals that fit different diets is not too difficult these days.

Asking someone to share a favorite recipe or meeting at a restaurant where they feel at ease are good options if their limits seem too difficult to manage at home.

Although hosting may be easier with your husband’s majority rules mentality, hospitality is more than just presenting food; it’s about making guests feel at home.

For Annie Lane, send inquiries to dearannie@creators.com.

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