Asking Eric: DIL had huge 40th birthday bash. We watched their dog while they enjoyed themselves

To Eric, To honor our daughter-in-law’s recent 40th birthday, they threw a big party at their house. Although we weren’t invited, we were requested to watch their dog for a week before the celebration while they were at a family camp.

Over the years, our relationship has been a little tense, but lately, I felt like we were getting along much better. Both of us are offended by our exclusion. Should we simply let it go, in your opinion? We feel a little taken advantage of!

The dogsitters weren’t

To all dogsitters: Although I can appreciate your pain, it’s possible that your daughter-in-law thought of inviting you to assist with their dog as a way to include you. She wouldn’t ask someone she still harbors animosity toward to take care of a cherished pet, thus it may be interpreted as a peace gift.

Try to discuss your feelings without making them seem tense. Consider it a check of the temperature. We frequently need to communicate excessively when mending a relationship in order to ensure that everyone is in agreement.

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To Eric, I’m doing fine, and my wife passed away recently. A few of my wife’s older children are constantly requesting to visit me. How can I respectfully decline without offending them? I was anxious about how I would keep them entertained for a week when they previously visited. They believe that their presence is beneficial, but in reality, I would much rather visit via phone and email. Any recommendations?

No Guests As of Yet

To All Visitors: I’m sad to hear of your wife’s passing. We must take things day by day since this type of fresh, all-encompassing grief can be really difficult.

Loved ones frequently don’t know how to contribute in a meaningful way. In this case, being straightforward will be your best friend.

Sincerely tell the children that although you love them, you are currently unable to do so. Inform them that the best things you can do at the moment are phone calls and emails. People occasionally want a little direction on how to present themselves. You’ll all have better, less stressful (virtual) visits, and they’ll appreciate the prod.

For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at ateric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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