Asking Eric: How can I avoid the frustration of people who don’t reply to texts for hours, or days?

To Eric, I guess I’m not the only one who feels abandoned by friends and family since they take so long to reply to SMS. I would like to know when it is polite to reply to texts.

I think it polite when friends and family answer within minutes and an hour, respectively.

Those that take hours and some that take days worry me more. When I quickly respond to their text questions and then be ignored for hours or days while I wonder what they thought of my responses, it is quite worrisome.

I feel abandoned. Why did they ask for my opinion and then take hours or days to respond? I’m just wondering if I should call these friends and family members the old-fashioned way instead of texting them, as I’m sure I’ll get their voicemail.

Deleted

To the Ghosted: Some people may not agree with this, but I really enjoy phone calls, especially when you need a speedy response and the other person is a slow texter. Some people reply faster to voice notes than to texts, so you might try that as well.

I would advise you to reconsider how you think about this. In most situations, it’s probably more about the way the person you texted uses their phone than it is about you, even if it can feel like ghosting and it’s annoying to not hear back from them for hours or days. Although texting is common these days, not everyone finds it to be very natural.

Many people’s lives, schedules, or temperaments aren’t suited to react quickly, let alone in writing. Talking to a neighbor on the porch or passing someone’s cubicle at work are quite different. Therefore, if you’re not receiving the response you’re hoping for, think of it as knowledge about the recipient’s behavior in the world rather than a rejection. Even while they might not be a good texter, this does not necessarily mean that they are a horrible friend.

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For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at ateric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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