Asking Eric: How can I be a warm, welcome presence in my adult son’s lives, and not a drag?

To Eric, Both of my boys are in their early thirties. I adore her like a daughter, and my oldest son recently got engaged to a lovely woman of the same age.

Even though we have nice relationships, I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older, especially in the last few years while I’ve been living many hours away from my biological family, my need for strong family ties has grown. I’d really like to maintain a conversation with all three of them. I don’t want to appear to be hovering over them, though.

How can I determine how often to send casual texts, shares, etc.? How else can I continue to be involved in their lives? Instead of being a drag, I want to be a friendly and welcoming presence.

Mom Who Loves Boundaries

To Mom: I guess you have less to fear than you may believe because this is such a great concern that is based on love (and healthy boundaries). The most crucial thing to keep in mind is that you are an equal partner in the mother-son relationship and that you are free to request what you require.

You are still involved in your kids’ life, even though they are still growing and establishing themselves. And probably a much-needed one at that. Open and honest communication is essential to healthy partnerships. Sometimes that is letting them change the cadence as necessary and calling, texting, or going in when you want to. In other cases, that entails discussing what degree of interaction is comfortable for each party. Perhaps you’ll discover that they prefer phone conversations over texting, or the other way around.

You are not a liability. Telling your sons how life is changing for you, as they are telling you how life is changing for them, will also make it simpler for them to continue showing you their love. Continue to communicate with them, pay attention to their requests, and share what you need in order to feel supported and loved.

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Thunderstorms with marble-sized hail in Wallowa County Thursday – gusts up to 40 mph

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For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at ateric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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