Asking Eric: My volatile friend of 20 years went off on me even though she knows of my personal struggles

To Eric, I’ve been friends with Sarah for twenty years. Our families have become closer over that time, even taking multiple vacations together.

Like her, I used to be a stay-at-home mother, but these days I work long hours and am in charge of the well-being of over 100 extremely vulnerable people.

Even though my life has gotten busy, I have made an effort to stay in touch, and I usually wind up planning get-togethers.

I have lost a parent during the past 12 months. In addition to paying expenses and setting up home care, I am currently providing for my surviving mom, whose health is fast deteriorating. This necessitates regular trips hundreds of miles away. In addition, my husband has needed a lot of assistance due to serious health issues. All this is known to Sarah.

Sarah texted me two months ago to chastise me for not paying attention. She claimed that she didn’t understand why I wasn’t making time for her now if we could find time together when the kids were younger and life was hectic. My life has never been so hectic, Eric!

I gave her the kindest response I could and suggested a few ways we might meet up, like having supper at my house. Since then, I have not heard back.

I have a gut feeling that this isn’t friendship and that I should gently terminate it and concentrate on my numerous other obligations and concerns. Sarah is quite erratic; she once cut me off for over a year because of a fictitious offense. But I actually care about Sarah, and I’m concerned that she’s in true pain.

Am I mistaken here? Should I make another attempt to get in touch? Or do I come to terms with the fact that our friendship of over two decades is now ended?

Feeling overwhelmed

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To the Overwhelmed: Have faith in your intuition. Sarah may be in pain, but it has nothing to do with anything you’ve done. Furthermore, she has caused havoc when you need care by taking her hurt out on you. You need a friend, therefore I apologize if she isn’t being a nice friend right now. It’s so difficult and exhausting what you’re going through. Our loved ones must be sympathetic and actively supportive throughout these times in our lives.

Consider her recent quiet a gift, even though it’s unfair. You might wish to discuss how her actions affected you with her when you have more bandwidth. I also hope she can put things right. But for now, concentrate on those who can support you and help you bear your burden.

For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at ateric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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