Asking Eric: Should congregant talk to religious leader about his annoying speaking habits?

To Eric, I think my religious institution’s president is a great leader but a terrible speaker.

The number of times he has asked, “You know, kind of, and asking right?” in the middle of a speech has driven me insane. I have taken part in several meetings that he has conducted. These abound in his speech. For instance, he stated at the most recent meeting that he would essentially provide the microphone to anyone who wanted to speak. There is a phase-out of the declarative statement.

The man is, ironically, the principal of an elementary school. If he attentively listened to a recording, I believe he would be surprised at how many speech tics he utters. Can I inform him in a tactful way?

Debate on Speech

To Speech: The problem with constructive criticism is that it won’t work if the person getting it hasn’t asked for it or isn’t receptive to it. First, find out if he is receptive to criticism.

If welcomed, this type of advice can be quite beneficial. Leading with a compliment is how I like to go. Crucially, I chose to end the compliment with a full stop instead of a comma or semi-colon. In this manner, rather than only serving as a preamble to what I truly want to say, the audience can hear the compliment as a stand-alone concept.

Your problems with the interjections may be lessened if you concentrate on the aspects of his leadership and public speaking that you value. You can work together to improve your ability to hear him if he’s difficult for you to listen to but you’re interested in the material.

Remember that speaking is personal and that some habits are difficult to break, so be courteous and brief. Therefore, exercise patience and try to listen to the words.

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To Eric, I asked a neighbor I got along well with whether she and her husband would like to join us for dinner. We scheduled a date because she appeared excited. She then asked if we could move the date because they would be out of town. Yes, we did. She texted the day before, saying she was too sick to go. I simply said, “Sorry.”

Nothing more has been heard. Should I get in touch with her? My spouse accuses me of being cruel. Give advice.

Date Night for Dinner

To Dinner, Insensitive? I’m not entirely sure. It’s possible that the apology came out as hurried or rude. Perhaps that’s how you intended it. However, reading tone over text is challenging. Another possibility is that you were just verifying the cancellation. It would be your neighbor’s responsibility to inquire about rescheduling as soon as she felt better.

But because you said it was quite friendly, I think you might want to get in touch with me again if you’d still like to continue this friendship. Maybe by saying that you hope she’s feeling better and that, if she’s amenable, you’d want to schedule another date. If she is not interested for any reason, she has the option to decline. However, I would leave things alone if she cancels once more.

For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at ateric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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