Dear Abby: Am I unreasonable when I chide friend for not sharing info about self-improvement method?

DEAR ABBY: I found out that, behind my back, my best friend has been (secretly) growing hair for the past year. He knows I have been balding for many years. Although I have accepted my follicular fate, he knows I constantly search for self-improvement in my life.

What bothers me is that he didn’t share the information until I mentioned I was thinking about trying Rogaine. THAT is when he told me he has been using a similar product for the past year and it seems to be working. He even took off his baseball cap (which he has been curiously wearing for a year), to show me the modest results. I doubt he would have shared this if I hadn’t raised the subject.

I feel deeply shafted by his secrecy, and I don’t see it as such a private matter that it had to be concealed. I do understand that he may have felt embarrassed to admit it bothered him and that he was taking steps to address the issue.

What is the rule of etiquette under the circumstances? Should a person share self-improvement methods that are modestly successful with a close friend who would clearly benefit from the information (assuming it is not so personal or private that it cannot be shared)? — SHAFTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

Stories by

Abigail Van Buren

• Dear Abby: Cake kerfuffle creates birthday blues

• Dear Abby: 70-year-old is enjoying friends-with-benefits situation, knows adult kids won’t approve

  

  Asking Eric: Adult siblings’ feud makes their anger at each other the whole family’s problem

• Dear Abby: Should I have called out co-worker who mocked transgender people with hurtful comment?

DEAR SHAFTED: There is no rule of etiquette that dictates anyone MUST share this kind of information. As close as you may think you are to this friend, try to remember that not everyone is comfortable talking about medical interventions they are using for self-improvement. This includes plastic surgery, weight-loss drugs and cures for baldness (a condition suffered by members of both sexes).

Your friend was nice to mention that he has been using a product similar to the one you are contemplating, but he was under no requirement to do so.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at


www.DearAbby.com


or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

About The Author