Dear Abby: How do I tell long-time friend we don’t visit anymore because her house smells like dog poo?

DEAR ABBY: A very dear longtime friend I’ll call Lois lives a few hours from us in her vacation home. We used to visit and sometimes spend the night there, but her house smells awful. The smell has worsened over time. We never spend the night there now, and our visits are shorter.

Lois has always owned one or more indoor dogs that she lets outside to go to the bathroom. They also have access to a special room inside where they can do their business, but they also go everywhere. Her ability to clean up after them has diminished. For years, we have avoided telling her why we have shortened our visits.

Her husband died recently, and we should be helping, but we feel unwell being there. If you think we should tell her, how should we do it? We don’t want to hurt or embarrass her. — LOST FOR WORDS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: If Lois ASKS why you no longer visit the way you used to, tell her the truth. Explain that you care about her, but the odor (which she’s likely so used to that she doesn’t notice) makes you and your husband feel unwell.

Suggest that allowing her dogs to use her house as a bathroom may not be healthy for her, either, and offer to help her find a cleaning crew to get the place back in order.

Stories by

Abigail Van Buren

• Dear Abby: Pregnant wife gets a shock when reading a text over husband’s shoulder

  

  Student voices: The bunk beds aren’t so bad

• Dear Abby: Dear friend, of 25 years, lied to me about her wedding plans

• Dear Abby: I was hurt when my husband reached out to his first wife’s family on anniversary of her death

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at

www.DearAbby.com

or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

About The Author