DEAR ABBY: My son is a loving husband, father and son. He coaches his 12-year-old son, my grandson, in various sports and sometimes is just a spectator. I’m worried because he often berates his son’s playing ability. He has yelled at him during and after games, whether he is coaching or not. He yelled and screamed at him in front of everyone and later at home.
I have told my son, to no avail, that it’s OK to give constructive criticism but without the yelling. I also have told him how it crushes my grandson each time he does this.
My daughter-in-law is also at a loss for how to change his behavior. My husband coached my son in sports when he was young and he was hard on him, too. I love my family dearly, but I don’t know what to do in this situation. Abby, what do you think we should do? — ‘HEARTACHING’ GRANDMA IN NEW JERSEY
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Abigail Van Buren
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DEAR GRANDMA: Your son may be a loving husband, but he could use some coaching as a father. Someone should point out to him that when a parent bullies a child about his poor athletic performance, it rarely produces a positive result. It makes him lose interest in the sport and damages the youth’s self-esteem, and the effects can sometimes last a lifetime.
After your grandson has had enough of the verbal abuse, don’t be shocked if he drops out of the sport. Your son should have learned from the terrible example his own father set that this kind of “coaching” usually doesn’t produce the desired result. He should take out his aggression elsewhere.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Dear Abby: I love my son, but the way he berates his own child at sporting events needs to stop
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