Dear Abby: I want to stay close to my friend with early Alzheimer’s, but her insensitive, cruel comments really sting

Greetings, Abby A fifty-year-old acquaintance was recently diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer’s disease. She continues to live her life normally, driving, taking care of her finances, etc.

But now that she’s lost her inhibition, she talks to me about my appearance (your thighs are so skinny) and health (are you going to die? That was the type of cough my mother had before she passed away. I’m having a hard time controlling my rage at her arrogance and preventing myself from making some extremely sarcastic and appropriate retorts.

I can’t seem to get this off my mind. I cared for my husband with dementia for 17 years, so I don’t want to leave her at this time, but I also don’t need to spend weeks reeling from her hurtful and disrespectful remarks. Have any suggestions? — In San Francisco, insulated

DEAR INSULTED: Your friend is well enough to be informed that you don’t value her remarks if she is still able to go about her life normally. Tell her that she will see you less if they don’t stop, but don’t leap right in her throat. You might need to repeat it or reroute the topic away from you when her Alzheimer’s gets worse.

Stories by

Abigail Van Buren

• Dear Abby: Principal grilled teacher about upcoming surgery, demanding to know what it s for

• Dear Abby: My son-in-law is a monster and a bully. I m done spending any time with him

  

  Thunderstorms with marble-sized hail in Wallowa County Thursday – gusts up to 40 mph

• Dear Abby: Is my clingy girlfriend s devotion endearing, or a red flag?

Greetings, Abby When my father noticed my mother staring at an old picture of herself when she was younger, they got into a fight. (Her cousin had sent it to her.) She was seated next to a buddy or former boyfriend in it. My mother disagreed with my father, who felt it was insulting.

Given that she was just 18 or 19 and the picture was shot 45 years ago, Mom felt it was inconsequential for him to be unhappy. My mother had never even met my father before. She later told Dad that she had seen an old photo of him and his ex-wife at a concert, dressed up. She didn’t become irritated when he denied it.

She later told me that since she no longer harbors romantic love for my father, she doesn’t regret getting the photo. As you can see, my parents are simply housemates who share expenses; they are not officially married. I’m not sure how to react to this. They have each approached me separately to share their feelings, but I don’t want to get involved. What do you think? IN THE CENTER OF TEXAS

IN THE MIDDLE, DEAR: The appearance of that 45-year-old photo probably didn’t bother your father as much as the fact that your mother no longer feels a romantic connection to him. Additionally, I believe that you should avoid becoming involved in this and stop letting your parents put you in the middle, as they are doing.

Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

About The Author