Dear Abby: Mother-in-law’s refusal to follow this one simple request causes distress

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused as a child. Because of this, as an adult woman, I have issues around being touched. I have had therapy, and I am doing much better, but I’m still uncomfortable with physical contact. I simply request that people ask me before they touch me, and I usually agree.

The issue is my mother-in-law. She refuses to ask before touching me and often pulls me into unwanted hugs or comes up behind me. I have explained to her about my history, so she knows why I want her to ask me first, but she brushes it off and says she isn’t going to hurt me. One time she said, “What? Do you think I’m going to attack you?” No, I don’t think she is going to attack me. This issue is about me, not her, but she doesn’t understand that.

My husband throws up his hands and refuses to get involved, as he hates being put in the middle. How can I make her understand that I need her to ask before putting her hands on me? — PROTECTIVE IN ILLINOIS

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DEAR PROTECTIVE: Tell your mother-in-law once more, when you are both calm, that because of your history of abuse you do not want to be touched without first being asked. If she says, “Do you think I’m going to attack you?” your response should be, “That’s EXACTLY what it feels like! It feels like I’m being assaulted. DON’T DO IT!”

If she does it after that, then, in my opinion, you have every right to defend yourself.

P.S. Your wimp of a husband should be there during this conversation.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at


www.DearAbby.com


or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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