June 6, 2025

Dear Abby: This 40-year marriage heads for the rocks as husband loses money on scams

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my husband for 40 years. As in all marriages, we’ve had our ups and downs, but recently I can hardly stand to be around him.

He has been scammed a couple of times, and he gets furious when I try to warn him they are scams. We have separate bank accounts, and I have made him start giving me the money for his share of the household bills when he gets paid so he doesn’t blow it. Now if I ask him where he spends his money, he ignores me.

Last night, he asked me what I had bought from a specific place. I asked him why I needed to tell him because he doesn’t tell me where he spends money. He said, “Because you’re my wife, and I love you.” When I asked why the opposite doesn’t seem to apply, he, of course, said nothing.

Later, he asked if I was mad, and I told him I’m more hurt than mad. He didn’t say anything the rest of the night and today he acts like every other day (which means very little interaction). I don’t know what to do anymore. Do you have any advice? — FRUSTRATED WIFE IN IOWA

DEAR WIFE: You bet I do. If ever I’ve heard about a couple who needs marriage counseling, it’s the two of you. Marriage and family therapists hear about this sort of thing often. Ask your doctor to refer you to someone licensed and qualified to help you and your husband over this rough patch.

Stories by

Abigail Van Buren

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DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I add my own prayer of thanks for those courageous men and women who have sacrificed their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace. — LOVE, ABBY


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at


www.DearAbby.com


or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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