Dear Annie: I’m worried my sister’s husband is controlling her life, pushing her away from me

To Annie, please:I used to be quite close to my younger sister. We discussed everything, spoke daily, and helped one another get through some of the most trying times in our life, such as when our mother passed away. However, she has distanced herself over the last two years, and I feel as though I no longer know her.

It all began when she started dating her present partner. I was initially pleased for her. He came out as affable and focused. But as time went on, I saw some warning signs. He seems to keep her away from her former acquaintances, is often checking her phone, and subtly attacks her family. She hardly ever returns my calls or texts these days. When she does answer, it’s brief, almost icy, and always accompanied by an explanation such as “We’ve just been busy.” She has abruptly canceled plans, missed family vacations, and even temporarily blocked me on social media when I politely voiced my concerns about his apparent control.

I attempted to tell her I missed her and to check in with her when I finally managed to get her on the phone a few months ago. She became defensive and said that I was making things worse by criticizing her relationship. Since then, I have not heard from her.

I’m bewildered and heartbroken. I worry that my sister is in an emotionally abusive relationship and is unaware of it, even though I genuinely love her and only want the best for her. When should I give up attempting to get in touch? How can I encourage her without making her feel more distant? Closed off and anxious

To Shut Out, please:Based on your description, it appears like your sister might be in a dominating relationship, and your intuition is telling you something significant. Unfortunately, one of the oldest strategies used by emotional abusers is isolation. In order to maintain control over the story and make her reliant on him, he probably wants to cut her off from the people who love her.

However, you can’t make her see something she’s not ready to acknowledge. Leaving the door open is one option. Express your love for her, your unwavering support, and your concern—not because you disapprove, but because you care—in a calm and straightforward manner. Then give her room.

In all subsequent communications, maintain a kind and nonjudgmental tone. Don’t speak poorly of him. Continue to let her know that she is not alone, even if you do it softly. She might eventually need someone to turn to if things worsen. Let yourself be that person.

How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to dearannie@creators.com.

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