Dear Annie: My best friend seems to be copying me, and it doesn’t feel like flattery

Dear Annie: I’ve been best friends with “Dani” since college. We’re both 34 now, and our lives have gone in different directions — she’s single and travels often, while I’m married with a toddler. We still talk regularly, but lately, I’ve noticed she’s started copying little parts of my life. She’s taken up my hobby (pottery), started using the same phrases I say and even bought the same purse I have.

At first, I brushed it off as flattery. But when she told me she’s considering moving to my neighborhood “just to be closer,” it felt … strange. She’s never mentioned wanting to leave her area before.

She hasn’t done anything directly hurtful, but it’s starting to feel like my identity is being mirrored. I don’t want to sound paranoid or accuse her of something she may not even realize she’s doing. But it’s beginning to feel like I can’t share parts of my life without them being absorbed.

Is this something I should address, or am I overthinking it? — Too Close for Comfort

Dear Too Close: They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s important that you feel like you can have your own identity. And when someone mirrors it too closely, it can be unsettling.

Start by giving her the benefit of the doubt. Some mimicry is natural in close friendships.

If she continues adopting aspects of your life, then it’s fair to bring it up more directly. Focus on how it makes you feel, not what she’s doing wrong. “Sometimes I feel like parts of my life aren’t really mine anymore. I know that’s probably not your intention, but I wanted to be honest.”

There’s no need to accuse her of copying; just share your experience.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to

dearannie@creators.com

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