Dear Annie: My best work buddy’s promotion totally changed our relationship, and not in a good way

“She s become distant, formal and oddly critical of my work.”Image: stock.adobe.com/NDABCREATIVITY

To Annie, please: Up until recently, I thought of my coworker Jenna as a close friend. Over the course of our five years of employment together, we have gone out to lunch, texted outside of work, and even went on double dates with our wives. She was elevated to a management position in our department a few months ago. I was genuinely pleased for her. However, things have changed since then.

She has grown formal, aloof, and strangely judgmental of my work. Even though we are only a few desks away, she now primarily speaks via email and picks on things that she used to care about. I attempted to bring it up informally, but she dismissed it, claiming that she was simply getting used to her new role.

The fact that she suddenly treats me like simply another employee rather than as someone who has helped her for years irritates me. I know she has new obligations, but did our friendship have to end so quickly? I don’t want to put her in a difficult situation, but I also don’t want to continue acting as though this is commonplace or cozy.

Should I speak up, or is this the typical outcome of friends taking on managerial responsibilities? Remembered by a Boss-Friend

To the Forgotten: Unfortunately, this is a common issue. Redrawing boundaries after someone assumes a position of responsibility can be challenging.

By separating herself from people she used to be close to, Jenna may be overcorrecting and finding it difficult to emphasize her new role. Although it’s not an excuse, it could help to explain her actions. The employment handbook doesn’t cover being both a buddy and a boss.

It’s acceptable to request a private discussion—aside from email—to express your need for the friendship and to make amends. You have your answer if she continues to feel isolated. If she wants to find her way back, let her take the lead.

For Annie Lane, send inquiries to dearannie@creators.com.

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