Help — I’m trapped in the transfer portal!

The

coffee is brewing

, the typos are flowing and the air is as fragrant as an un-air conditioned dorm… which your faithful correspondent shares with

Tyson Alger.

It must be time for the

High School Journalism Institute

!

As my colleagues have

well noted

, there’s nothing like convening a room full of aspiring journalists to restore even the most embittered scribe’s faith in the reportorial process.

The program is free, but the knowledge they gain is invaluable — which means the rest of you better pay up.

But I, too, am on a quest for hidden truth… due to a tantalizing mystery inadvertently revealed by our newspaper’s preps sports editor, Nik Streng.

It all started when I noticed Streng and his colleagues frequently wrote articles about athletes entering the “

transfer portal

.”

What is a transfer portal? Were they built by ancient aliens who also were members of the National Collegiate Athletic Association? And will I be able to validate my parking on the other side??

These were among my queries, but Nik seemed to have an important conference call scheduled, as he put on headphones and never responded.

I soon discovered an ancient newspaper graphic… that puts the location of the transfer portal in the catacombs beneath Dan Lanning’s sportshouse!

[Pause for drive to Eugene.]

Ok, I’m typing this in real time now… walking through the cave. More cave… stalagmite… and…

It pulses! It puzzles! The ponderous portal is real!

Tyson and Nik thought I didn’t see their smirks, but who’s laughing now that I’m about to become best friends with Kruz Schoolcraft?!

I’ll just take one tiny, tentative step into the portal, and….

Aiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee! The portal’s power is too strong! I’m being transported to a terrible, fiery wasteland!! (Arizona State.)

—Zane Sparling covers breaking news and courts for The Oregonian/OregonLive. Reach him at 503-319-7083,

zsparling@oregonian.com

or

@pdxzane

.

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