Miss Manners: Comments on someone’s weight should be avoided, even if they’re meant as compliments

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been the same weight my whole adult life, and I am very uncomfortable with comments about my body. I have several relatives who like to say “You’ve lost weight!” when I see them at holidays.

This seems rude to me. Nobody would ever exclaim, “My, you’ve gained weight!” So why do they think it’s OK to make the opposite observation? (Never mind that they are incorrect, and my weight hasn’t changed in 40 years!)

Is there a way to politely respond to this comment and suggest they stop saying it?

GENTLE READER: Really? You think nobody would ever insult anyone about gaining weight? So-called fat shaming is practically a national sport. Ask anyone who is not super-thin.

But you are right that there is some difference in the matter of losing weight. Unless a loss is so dramatic that your relatives are worried about your health, they probably believe that this is some sort of compliment.

It is not. Miss Manners recommends simply replying, “No, I’ve been this same weight my whole adult life.”

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel unwell when I hear graphic descriptions of medical and dental problems. Is there a polite way to stop these stories from being told before they cross the line for me? This has been quite a challenge for me over the years.

GENTLE READER: If you blurt out, “Sorry — I’m terribly squeamish!” and then clap your hand over your mouth, Miss Manners believes that the subject will be changed in a hurry.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,

www.missmanners.com

; to her email,

dearmissmanners@gmail.com

; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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