Miss Manners: My secret lover died, leaving me to grieve in isolation

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was “the other one” in my relationship with the person I loved. Even aside from the marital infidelity, the relationship would have been considered scandalous by my lover’s family because I am the wrong race, gender, social class, age, whatever (pick one).

My loved one died, leaving me grieving in isolation. I posted condolences, attended the funeral quietly and sometimes visit the grave alone. I need to do so as part of the grieving process; I am near recovery now, and distancing myself from the death.

Even so, the relatives have begun making pointed inquiries about me. I have ignored the questions so far, primarily because doing otherwise would be a betrayal of my loved one’s wishes and reputation. My obvious sin aside, am I now doing the proper thing?

GENTLE READER: That will depend on your guess as to the motivation behind the inquiries, as well as how much time has passed. Miss Manners would only expect you to welcome overtures from well-meaning family members for whom any thoughts of scandal or sin were buried with the deceased.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,

www.missmanners.com

; to her email,

dearmissmanners@gmail.com

; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.