My 7-year-old talks in a baby voice, and it drives me up a wall: Parenting Q&A

To Meghan, please:Although my daughter, who is almost eight years old, can speak well and with appropriate grammar for her age, she enjoys using a squeaky baby voice and poor language (think: me want cookie). I can’t take it.

Please speak in your 7-year-old voice; I’ve tried. I’ve warned you that using a baby voice will result in me not responding to you. I’ve tried saying things like, “Oh, you’ll have to stay at home with Dad since babies can’t go to trampoline parks.” She will return to her normal voice after these remarks. She is sufficiently shocked by the prospect of having to stay at home to temporarily stop using the baby voice, but it gradually returns.

Even though this makes me mad, I am quite composed when I talk to her about it. I don’t want to make things worse for her siblings, who I know are equally annoyed by it. Neither of her older siblings nor her twin have ever done this. Neither our extended family nor our home has any infants with whom she could compete.

As a family and individually, we spend a lot of time together, therefore I assume this is attention-seeking behavior. Since she is always willing to go with one of us on routine or sporadic errands while the other two would rather stay at home, she is undoubtedly the person with whom we spend the most time. Together, we also bake, cook, take walks, and open houses—all of which she strangely enjoys. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

“Baby Talk”

Baby Talk:I appreciate your writing. I have a few inquiries that seem pertinent: When did this start? Does she exclusively use the baby voice with you, or does she also use it with your significant other? Was there a particular incident that caused the baby voice? The responses to these queries may reveal causes of the baby talk.

First, the good news: it seems like you and your daughter, who is about eight years old, are having a lot of fun. You are obviously putting in the effort and realize the value of one-on-one time. Even though it might not seem to be resolving this problem, believe me when I say that it is essential to your relationship.

If your child was younger, like a toddler, she would probably stop talking if you just ignored the voice. However, when your nearly 8-year-old exhibits these habits, you need to look at other problems and ask more in-depth inquiries.

She is meeting a need by speaking in a baby voice, but what need is it?

I strongly advise applying the Ross Greene Collaborative and Proactive Solution (CPS) approach to problem-solving because she is almost eight years old.

This baby speak issue is bothersome, but it’s not serious or harmful, so take use of the chance to converse to her more effectively. The CPS model is a strategy that is simple, data-driven, and proven, which is why I adore it. The goals are clear, and you may print out the worksheets to use.

One who reads this would conclude: You don’t need to work through this with your child because it is reducible. Simply ignore her or discipline her. It’s crucial to keep in mind, though, that you are establishing polite communication.

When you need something, you can tell your daughter, “I’ve noticed that there’s baby talk.” Give me additional details about this. You can challenge your preconceptions about the conduct and hear her point of view by listening to her.

I frequently discover that the parents I work with are making up stories in their minds. If I had used this voice, I would have been spanked. or perhaps inaccurate information (can we truly understand her motivations? From her mouth, for sure?

You risk spinning your parenting wheels, coming up with solutions to problems that don’t exist, or worsening the problem when you allow anxiety, fear, or insufficient knowledge to take over.

By practicing active listening techniques (such those found in the CPS model), you can teach your children to be more compassionate and curious as parents rather than fixated and judgmental. With time, you can discover that your kids wish to relate to you and understand your viewpoint. Parents frequently overlook the fact that listening is a technique for helping your family understand your requirements in addition to satisfying the child.

To get started, you can use Greene’s Lives in the Balance website or hire a coach. Once more, this is not an actual emergency, so take your time, have an open mind, and treat yourself to something nice for your efforts. Habits are hard to break! I wish you luck.

The author of Parenting Outside the Lines and the mother of three daughters is Meghan Leahy. If you have a parenting question, send it toonparenting@washpost.com and it might be featured in a future column.

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